by the whistleplayer » Fri Jan 26, 2007 6:00 pm
If you don't mind, Grania.. I'll help you out. I believe it was you who sent it to me quite some time ago!
Why Janeway is better than Picard.
One word: hair
More hair than all the previous Star Trek commanding officers combined
Drinks coffee not that sissy “Earl Grey” stuff
Beams down to the planet like a real captain should
Mutes the doctor when he gets out of line
Hasn’t let an adolescent pilot the Federation Flagship, yet…
Commanded ships blown up: Picard-2, Janeway-2.
Voyager needs a female Captain. Its captain must be willing to admit that they’re lost and pull over to ask for directions.
Picard likes to talk his way through; Janeway likes to punch her way through.
Hasn’t quoted Shakespeare, yet…
Looks better in sleepwear
Isn’t French with an English accent
“Take this cheese to sickbay” – I loved that line
Will give you two days off to ponder your life shattering experiences.
When Janeway lands her ship on a planet, it can take off again.
Janeway says “I don’t like you” to her enemies instead of trying to convince them to behave better.
To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way. Picard sings a song…in French…about a monk…who can’t wake up for morning bells.
The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
Janeway has a first officer with a tattoo.
She doesn’t have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles
Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying to weasel out of it with philosophical ramblings.
30 episodes without surrendering the ship.
Janeway’s holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs. Picard’s holodecks create maniacal evil geniuses that yet again take over the ship.
She doesn’t need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked around in Sherwood Forest. However, if she did she would look fantastic.
Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a shirt; Janeway would look good…no, they can’t do that on network television.
Cheese
Doesn’t force her crew to wear awful outfits unless it is to blend in with a primitive planet.
She doesn’t waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
Her engineer does not wear a banana clip over her eyes.
Doesn’t have a counsellor on board
Her telepath only lives 9 years
Janeway heard the words “To boldly go where no man (erm…woman) has gone before” and took them to the extreme.
45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe instantaneously? That’s excessive.
Picard tells alien cultures “I hope our two cultures will one day come to a greater understanding”. Janeway threatens them with the “deadliest of force”.
Janeway’s security chief would never grow a ponytail.
The high point of enterprise cuisine was scrambled eggs that only Worf could stomach.
Janeway doesn’t have to point which way to go when they set off.
Maintains an elaborate hairstyle that would baffle even Princess Leia.
Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, “Boy, Paris, are YOU ever stupid!”
Cheese, Cheese, Cheese, Cheese, Cheese, Cheese
Hugs her Vulcan from time to time
Has a more manly voice
Doesn’t have a starship that splits in two when it is in a tight spot.
Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
Kes. Troi. No contest.
Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one is debatable.
At least she doesn’t have to yell “Hot!” at her chef every time she wants something to drink.
Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles
Her CONN officer actually went through the academy.
Her OPS officer can use contractions.
Her first officer has a hallucinogenic device.
None of the crewmembers relatives have ever tried to take over the ship, invade the federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
To help her relax, Janeway’s first officer helps her contact her spirit guide. Picard’s first officer helps him get… to Risa.
Riker never smiled at Picard in that way.
Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked Picard’s girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.
I have no hobbies, only obsessions...
